I had a stroke last week. My mind is still not working right, and my right hand feels like it doesn't belong on my body. I had to quit my job, and I am feeling REALLY overwhelmed still. I am scared to be alone now, and have been very clingy to Pete. I never want him to leave the house. In two weeks, we will see if the blood thinners are working, or if I will have surgery on my , well, in my brain. This has taken me a half an hour to type, since my right hand has a mind of it's own, and I have to think really carefully to form the words and thoughts in my head, to type out here. I just want to cry. They say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I'm past my limit, at this point. The doctors keep saying to go on a vacation......with what money? I just had to quit my job and hubby is on E.I. I would love to get away, especially if I find out I don't need surgery, double bonus. My mind is slow, words come out wrong, and I feel like a total reject. I'm on a bunch of new meds, that are making me sleepy all the time, and have dumb side effects. I feel so defeated. I love my husband, but he's so private, he won't share he's feelings with me about what happened with my stroke. I hope the next stroke is a big one, and God just takes me.Monday, August 24, 2009
I had a stroke last week. My mind is still not working right, and my right hand feels like it doesn't belong on my body. I had to quit my job, and I am feeling REALLY overwhelmed still. I am scared to be alone now, and have been very clingy to Pete. I never want him to leave the house. In two weeks, we will see if the blood thinners are working, or if I will have surgery on my , well, in my brain. This has taken me a half an hour to type, since my right hand has a mind of it's own, and I have to think really carefully to form the words and thoughts in my head, to type out here. I just want to cry. They say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I'm past my limit, at this point. The doctors keep saying to go on a vacation......with what money? I just had to quit my job and hubby is on E.I. I would love to get away, especially if I find out I don't need surgery, double bonus. My mind is slow, words come out wrong, and I feel like a total reject. I'm on a bunch of new meds, that are making me sleepy all the time, and have dumb side effects. I feel so defeated. I love my husband, but he's so private, he won't share he's feelings with me about what happened with my stroke. I hope the next stroke is a big one, and God just takes me.
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I understand some of your frustrations Barb. The heavy hand will get lighter with time. It's been eight years and I still have a lot of confusion going on as you know. I'm learning to laugh at myself about that part. I cried a lot after my stroke. It's part of the after effects. I used to go to my room and have myself a good cry and didn't always know why. This thing takes a lot of patience. Hang in there. Love you.
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